Tying the knot in a Desi Way

Last week I had to attend a series of wedding receptions. Well to those of you who have no idea about Indian Weddings let me enlighten you a bit about it. They can be tedious, chaotic and full of never ending rituals. It lasts for 4 to 5 hours and can seriously test your patience if you are someone like me. It entails a series of elaborate and colourful wedding rituals.

It starts off with Ai Buro Bhaat which is the Indian counterpart of bachelor-bachelorette party thrown by relatives and friends of the bride and groom respectively before the day the marriage. It signifies the last meal of the couple as bachelors. But it lacks the light hearted fun and entertainment associated with the western counterpart of the same ritual. (*No inclusion of alcoholic drinks there* :P)

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The D-day starts off early in the morning with the Dodhi Mongol.  Early at dawn, 7 married ladies adorn the bride’s hands with traditional red and white bangles called the Sankha and Paula and the bride eats a meal of curd and rice which is supposed to be the only meal she gets to have before the marriage ceremony for the day is over. (*This is where I’ll have an epic fail during my wedding, I need a constant supply of fuel for my tummy*)

Later during the day tumeric is ground with a mortar and pestle by those ladies and they anoint the bride with the paste. It’s believed that it brightens up the brides complexion and makes her skin glow. This is what Gaye Holud is all about.

Now let’s get on to the main wedding rituals. Later in the evening the bride gets adorned in a red Benarasi sari and gold jewelry. Intricate designs are painted with sandalwood paste on her forehead. Her hands and feet are smeared with Alta which is a red paint symbolizing womanhood. Decked with elaborate jewelry and a tiara the bride resembles the Hindu goddesses! They leave for the wedding venue and wait for the groom and his family and friends ( called the Bor Jatri) to arrive.

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After the Bor Jatri reaches the venue, the bride’s mother welcomes the groom and his family with earthen lamps, sprinkling trefoil and husked rice amidst the ululation and blowing of conch shells.

Then during the Logno which is the auspicious time for the wedding, the priest, the bride and the groom get seated in the wedding altar which is the sanctum sanctorum for the rituals to take place. Then hours of incomprehensible Vedic chants are uttered by the priest for a couple of hours and then the interesting ritual of Saat Paak takes place. The bride here is seated on a low wooden stool and is lifted by her brothers and is circles around the groom for seven times signifying that they are wound with each other for seven lives. It is followed by the exchanging of garlands called the Mala Bodol meaning that they accept one another as future companions.

After garlanding each other the couple exchange loving glaces in front of all invitees called the Shubho Drishti. It is the first look they have after accepting each other as a couple.

Now an elderly male member of the bride’s family preferably the father of the bride hands her over to the groom and the couple's hands are bound by the sacred thread amidst recital of Vedic chants and are placed on the mangal ghot - a brass pitcher filled with water that is covered with mango leaves attached to one twig and a green coconut placed on it. Then a Yagna is performed, where the bride and groom chants Vedic mantras accompanied by the priest in front of a fire signifying that the fire god Agni being the divine witness of the marriage. Then the bride and groom walk seven times around the fire taking 7 vows. Well the seven vows goes like this..

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{First vow } - Pray to the Gods for pure and nourishing food and prosperity.

The Groom says

"om esha ekapadi bhava iti prathaman"

My beloved, our bond strengthens by your walking one step with me. You will offer me food and be helpful at all times. I will embrace you and provide for our welfare and happiness and also that of our children.

The Bride says

"dhanam dhanyam pade vadet"

I humbly comply to you, my lord. kindly bestow upon me the responsibility of the household, food and finance. I promise you that I shall carry out all responsibilities towards the welfare of the family and the children."

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{ Second vow } - the couple appeals to the gods to give them the mental, physical and spiritual strength to lead a healthy life.

The Groom says

"om oorje jara dastayaha"

My beloved, now you have walked the second step with me. Fill me up with strength and courage so that together we can protect the household and the children.

The Bride says

"kutumburn rakshayishyammi sa aravindharam"

My lord, in your sorrows, I shall fill your heart with courage and strength. In your joys , I shall rejoice. I promise you that I will please you at all times with sweet words and take care of the family and the children. and you in turn shall love none other but me as your wife..

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{Third vow } - Pray for preservation of wealth and prosperity in life.

The Groom says

"om rayas santu joradastayaha"

My beloved, now you have walked three steps with me. With your presence in my life, our wealth and prosperity are going to grow. I shall look upon all other woman as my sisters. We will educate our children and may their lives be long.

The Bride says

"tava bhakti as vadedvachacha"

My lord, I will love you with single minded devotion as my husband. I will treat all other men as my brothers. My devotion to you will be that of a pure wife. This is my commitment to you..

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{ Fourth vow } - The couple invokes the gods for joy and peace by mutual love and trust in all walks of life.

The Groom says

"om mayo bhavyas jaradastaya ha"

My beloved, it is a blessing that you have walked four steps with me. You're presence in my life has made it sacred and auspicious. May we be blessed with obedient and noble children and may they live long!

The Bride says

"lalayami cha pade vadet"

My lord, I will enrich myself from head to toe with sandalwood paste and fragrance for you. I will serve you and please you in every possible way that I can.

{ Fifth vow } - the couple appeals to the lords for the welfare of all living beings in this world and wish for virtuous, noble and heroic children.

The Groom says

"om prajabhyaha santu jaradastayaha"

My beloved, now that you have walked five steps with me, you have adorned my life. May god bless you and may our loved ones live long and share in our prosperity.

The Bride says

"arte arba sapade vadet"

My lord, I will share your happiness and grief. With your love in my life, I will trust and honor you. I will fulfill all your wishes.

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{ Sixth vow } - the couple asks the gods to give them a blissful life together.

The Groom says

My beloved, you have filled my heart with happiness walking six steps with me. May you fill my heart with joy and peace at all times.

The Bride says

"yajna hom shashthe vacho vadet"

My lord, in all righteous acts, in material prosperity, and in enjoyment of acts approved by the divine, I promise I will will stand by you.?

{ Seventh vow } - The couple prays for mutual understanding, loyalty and companionship.

The Groom says

"om sakhi jaradastayahga"

My beloved, as you have walked the seven steps with me, our love and friendship is now eternal. We have attained a spiritual union blessed by god. Now you are one with me and I offer my life to you. Our marriage will be forever!?

The Bride says

"attramshe sakshino vadet pade"

My lord, as per the laws of God and the sanctity of the holy scriptures, I am your wife now. Whatever promises we made, were made with a pure mind. We will be truthful to each other in all matters and We will love each other forever.

Traditionally it is believed that the fire bears witness to the taking of these seven vows, but for this to mean anything, the fire has to exist within the two who have made these promises to each other.

After the Saat Paak, an offering of puffed rice is made to the fire, thanking the Agni the fore god for his presence in the ceremony called the Anjali.

The final ritual of the main ceremony involves the Sindoor Daan where the groom applies Vermillion on the bride’s hair parting and covers her head with a veil. This completes the marriage and the priest declares the bride and groom as a married couple to the society officially.

So now you can see why Indian weddings can be so hectic and never ending. Amongst all these rituals the cacophony of the chatter and music makes the ambience very festive.

Oh! Now I almost forgot to mention about the mouth-watering food that is served. That’s the only thing that I look forward to in a wedding. 

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I’ll write about the huge spread of Bengali wedding dishes in my next blog.. 

Till then take care,

                             Sukanya!

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